Proud

Recently someone close to me expressed worry that I was not proud of them... First of all, who would ever put me on that pedestal to have that sort of opinion may not have the right person for the job and Secondly, I have learned that to make anyone proud of you one has to first be proud of themselves.

I always wanted my Mother to be proud of me and remember fondly these conversations of how I become this person she would be proud of. It was never what you thought the answer would be it wasn't a certain figure that I needed to make or live a certain way or even have a certain job it was always a reflection of my own happiness. To my mom my own happiness was the key to her being proud of me.

At first seems simpler than achieving a certain figure, job title or lifestyle but yet how easy is it to be happy? It changes for me day to day. Some days I am super happy and others I am sad. Overall though I am in a state of happiness a majority of time. I didn't even have the guts to ask my mom the question are you proud of me UNTIL I actually felt proud of myself or even some what accomplished in my goals. Yes, my mother was determined to have me finish my degree and if I hadn't have ever asked her I may have thought that would do the trick but it wasn't until I was actually some what happy that she said she was proud of me.

Now I look at myself being asked this very question about someone I love and I find myself muddling with what would make me proud of someone. Again hard for me to even put myself in that peer role but if I had to I guess resilience, grace and poise are the qualities that I think come from accomplishment. And for some reason pride and proud-fulness are words that are mini finish lines along our life's journey.

The dictionary says...

proud |proud|

adjective

1 feeling deep pleasure or satisfaction as a result of one's own achievements, qualities, or possessions or those of someone with whom one is closely associated : a proud grandma of three boys | she got nine As and he was so proud of her.

• (of an event, achievement, etc.) causing someone to feel this way : we have a proud history of innovation.

• having or showing a consciousness of one's own dignity : I was too proud to go home.

• having or showing a high or excessively high opinion of oneself or one's importance : a proud, arrogant man.

• imposing; splendid : bulrushes emerge tall and proud from the middle of the pond.

2 [ predic. ] Brit. slightly projecting from a surface : when the brake is engaged, the lever does not stand proud of the horizontal.

I love the relationship between dignity and proud-fulness in the definition. I think it takes dignity to even ask someone if they are proud of you. It shows you care to hear feedback and what a version of the universe thinks and feels about you. You must have a strong even center to even ask this question and to make yourself this vulnerable.

Pride when out of balance can move us towards detachment and not remember how much we are a part of everything that made us who we are but the shear will to ask if someone else is proud of you is a healthy dose of pride in my opinion.